How things change: relationships under construction

9 May 2020

I have a ‘postcard’ in my hallway that reads ‘The road to success is always under construction”.  I often tell my clients that applies to your relationship too.

Most relationships start off lighthearted, full of joy and expectation.  We ‘fall in love’ for all sorts of reasons and with that person everything is possible: sharing a hobby or travelling, enjoying sport together, amateur dramatics or gardening.  For some, it’s having a career, for others it’s getting married and having children.

Initially it looks like a straight road that you can choose to travel down at speed or just amble along and admire the view.  And then, after few years, the road begins to twist and turn and you find you must change gear, slow down or even come to a stand-still.

So, what twists and turns have my clients told me about?  Marriage, the first child, promotion, moving house, someone close dying, the ‘in laws’, redundancy, moving town, children leaving home, unfulfilled career ambitions and now the unexpected challenges that coronavirus has brought such as social distancing and limits on our day to day life.

Each one can change our perspective on life.    And all this happens alongside our own life-stages, our twenties and thirties, the big ‘0’ birthdays through to mid-life (crisis, what crisis!) and retirement.

The good news is that all these twists and turns can be negotiated with change, goodwill, generosity and patience.  However, we are not always prepared and able to fulfill the emerging needs in our partner or sometimes we simply don’t know how.  And that’s where help from a Relate counsellor can help couples emerge stronger and better placed for the future. Find out how we can help you and your partner.

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