D-Day for help with divorce

16 February 2016

Today has been dubbed D-Day (with apologies to those with wartime memories). D-Day is the date in January when more divorces are expected to be filed than any other day of the year.

Christmas has come and gone. You’ve given it one last chance. You didn’t want to spoil Christmas for the children. But after all that indecision and change of heart, your mind is made up (well, at least as far as it could ever be given how momentous it all is). And you fix to see a solicitor.

Which caused one Sunday supplement this weekend to speculate on what you’d want your friends to say if it were you seeking a divorce.

‘Oh, I’m so sorry’ is a sympathetic reaction. But it can come across as pitying, and for some the end of a marriage may be a welcome change – something to celebrate. You’ve finally attained some clarity, some relief.

Then there’s the somewhat embarrassed ‘You seemed to be so happy!’ Ouch. If you’ve still got doubts that throwaway line may reinforce them.

‘You should take him/her for everything he’s/she’s got’ fuels resentment and anger at a time when, quite possibly, affection is still part of the mix, when you’re looking for healing, or when you want to unfold your marriage with dignity and integrity.

Perhaps even more upsetting is: ‘Are you sure that’s best for the children?’ Maybe you’re already feeling guilty, and the children may have already been uppermost in your decision.

There’s more where that came from. But, more positively, the article also suggests some helpful responses, such as ‘How can I help in whatever way feels right for you?’ And… ‘Please don’t feel you need to talk about it – but I’m here to listen if you do.’

If you’d like to talk about it, in confidence, give us a call now to fix time with one of our counsellors. We’re on: 01234 356350.

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